good to talk

I woke in a terrible state this morning – physically and emotionally ill. What has been getting to me is this - all my life I’ve prided myself on being honest and unselfish. If I fight to take over Mum’s affairs, I will continue to see myself as honest and unselfish, BUT if I back away and let Social Services take over, everything I’ve held dear crumbles away. I would not only be acting selfishly, I would feel dishonest too. I know that if Mum could make a rational decision she would rather I take over her financial affairs.

In the end I had to speak to somebody. Thank you, blog readers, for suggesting this to me. It was very timely.

I tried the Alzheimers Society but they were busy, so I called Leeds Carers (feeling guilty as always as I’m not actually a carer). I spent a few minutes talking to a woman called Jill. Once I’d explained the situation she more or less said that Devon Social Services will do a good job, and that because my mother has dementia, she will accept this. She also said that because of the problems I  have with Mum’s carer, the distance involved, and the fact that my relationship with Mum has never been good, nobody would blame me if I let Social Services get on with it. I can still keep in touch and be there if anything happens to the carer.

It was so helpful to be able to talk to somebody who not only listened to what I was saying, she  seemed to understand the situation and did not judge or make me feel bad. By the time I’d finished talking to her I felt a lot better. At least now I know that if I need to talk to somebody again, she's there. That’s such a help.

It’s almost noon now and I’ve done nothing but check my emails ( I had a sale to Australia but even that didn’t give me a boost). It’s time I got on with some work.