I have no idea what to do (as usual)

My talk to North Leeds Friendship Centre went very well indeed. I was nervous beforehand (as always) but once I’d started it was fine.

I’d decided to test myself. Instead of the usual comprehensive notes, all I had was a list of headings and some pages of fillers. Doing a talk without notes actually felt easier than WITH notes as I didn’t need to keep checking where I was and could go ‘with the flow’. It’s a greta feeling when an audience responds positively. I had thought about not doing talks anymore but yesterday’s experience has changed my maind. I wont seek them out, but if any opportunities come along, I won’t turn them down.

I came home to a message from the estate agent I’m buying the bungalow through. It was too late to get back to them so  I had to wait until this morning. Apparently, and this is the first I’ve heard of it, there’s a problem with the loft conversion.

The vendor doesn’t know when it was done and doesn’t want to apply to the building regularisation people. Having looked into it on line, I can’t say I blame her.

The problem of course is that, once again, I don’t know what to do.

I’ve just browsed the web and found out that there should be a different type of velux window, one that opens fully, so that people can escape through it in case of fire. The one in the bungalow now only opens part way.

A while ago I’d decided not to move, to buy the bungalow and rent it out, then somebody made an offer to buy my house and I wavered. This morning, brilliant timing as always, they increased the offer.

I’d been talking myself into selling the house saying that due to the size of the garden it would be a hard sell and that I should take an offer if it was high enough, but I bought the house BECAUSE of the garden. It was the depression that made it so much of a burden. So what do I do now? Do I use this problem with the bungalow to withdraw? I can then buy a cheaper place to rent out, and stay here. That will give me time to figure out what the hell I’m doing with my life.

I honestly have no idea what I want. How sad is that? I can’t even talk to John as he’s out on ANOTHER match.com date.